And the winner of the Good Luck Deluxe Absolute, No-question-about-it, Indisputably Best Girl-Dance-Song Ever Created is…

Freakum Dress, by Beyonce!

Yes, I may be a year tardy in discovering the playful, intoxicating glory of these hard beats and expressions of “I’m all that” belted out in Beyonce’s heaviest country twang, utilizing such clever and delicate prose as:

Short and backless.
Who needs nouns and verbs in a sentence? Fragments are where it’s at!

Every woman got one.
Yep.

Get on up and shake it.
Wow. Just wow. See, you don’t just get up and shake it. You’ve got to get ON up and shake that thing.

My man gon’ take it off tonight.
“Is” ain’t necessary anymore, folks. Auxiliary verbs are so 90’s.

Dancing in your room or at the club to Freakum Dress is THE reason to grow your hair as long as possible, ladies. I’m serious.

Nothing says “Screw you. Look at my gorgeous hair (or weave)” like knocking your head into a seizure to the tune of this jingly jam. It is the sole reason I have been growing my hair out for years; for moments like this.

For those girls who are unfamiliar with this song, I dare you to dance to it without whipping your hair up, down, left, right and in circles. It just beckons the head-whip.

God bless the soul that inspires me to get on up and shake it.

Was there life before Freakum Dress?